mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
