well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
