be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
