Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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