We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
