I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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