She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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