He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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