Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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