he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
