I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
