And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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