There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize