Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my liver is dry heaving
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
