Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
