Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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