ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
