I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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