i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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