she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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