Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
