I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
