paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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