i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
