Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
