bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
