just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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