....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
