Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Houston, we have a blender
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
