woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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