I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize