is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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