question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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