...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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