My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
