I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
