i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
