it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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