i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
