the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
