People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
