Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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