There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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