Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
