wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
