I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
