I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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