Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
