i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
