Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
