She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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