why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
