So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
