You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
