Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
