My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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