You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
