I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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