Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
