My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
