he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
