I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
