I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
