just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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