I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
